A Traumatic Story Part 2: We’re Not In This Together.

Then:
Back when I was a naive college student. I didn’t go to a lot of malls, I went to some of them by (mostly) taxis. So when my classmate persuaded me to go by bus, I agreed. Also because we were about 4 to 5 people together, which were my friend’s friend’s friends from the same boarding house (jeez). What I didn’t know was, some of them maybe quite cruel sometimes.

I didn’t know they’re already had their own to-do’s in the mall, so I was a little disoriented when they tailed me everywhere I go. Not to mention at last, it seems that I was the one who complete my merry-go-round-and-buy through some shops. I didn’t see any of them buying anything, or doing anything else or going somewhere else beside playing stay-and-follow all the time, in the name of solidarity sisters or maybe, “friends don’t leave each others”. What was painful was, on our way back home, one of them frankly said, “gara gara kamu rencana kita gagal.” “Kita lagi ‘ngerasani’.” Ngerasani gw, maksudnya. They mumbled about me. I was there. How honored I was. Well I can assure “we” here means them, not included me who lives a hundred houses away.

I might be the only one stand up for myself here, saying, hey, I don’t know you, we’ve just met, but when you have your own plans, why didn’t you go for it or say them out loud in front of my face, instead of following me around but then talked behind my back? Because I could see they got tired all day but I didn’t say anything, assuming, well, that’s their decision, right? I only followed the go-there-together-by-bus part because my friend was there too (and she asked me to come!), so the rest is up to each of us, right? Right? Right? Right? And I didn’t have to give a damn about whatever crappy well-planned plans you’ve made, right? Though, I felt sorry inside when she said that (I even want to say I was sorry they couldn’t get what they want!), but later I regret feeling that way. What’s the point?

 

Now:
I feel better when I go shopping (or everywhere) alone. If walking together makes me feel down and sorry for myself, then I don’t mind not having hang-out partners. Going together should make you feel happy and… together. And also, in the last 20 years of my life, never, have I ever found someone that can bear with my untiring feet and mind when exploring the markets. I mean, I’m not that understandable. Not to mention I hate slow-walking people, and I can’t take any of their useless suggestions or recommendations. (I once buy a pair of beaded sandals because my friend said they looked good on me, but the sole was fucking slippery and they were broken in less than 6 months.) God. This is the field where I suppose to feel freedom.