2013: Year of Letting Go.

Is it?

For me, yes. I’ve had this perception from the very early 2013, and the words “letting go” have been running in my head ever since. Not to mention I broke the one and only high-end full-bottle foundation ever in my stash, and it made me think of whether or not it was a sign. Since when did I start to believe in superstition?😀

Okay, let’s go back… It is about releasing bad past. I’ve had a thought that something good would just happen to me, and… it still hasn’t happen yet. And damn I just realized that now. This is the real world, where anything is REAL, and anything is fought about, and I might as well not live it only by dreaming. I hope it’s not too late. I hope, I am not too attached to someone in particular, if it makes me forget about other chances and opportunities out there.

I don’t wanna expect something big, if it wasn’t because of myself, and my hard work, and what I dream of. I want to see if I can be better person this time.

Of course, I still accept the fact that I might not be the best person worth fighting for. That’s why – maybe, sometimes – I fight back, alone. I might not be good enough for everyone. That’s why I always try to be good at least for myself. And I am okay, I don’t feel sorry for it. I don’t regret. And this might sound a little bit forced, but yes, I force myself to be happy. Because happiness is not something someone creates for you, it is something you decide to feel. It is there, you just have to have the will to feel it.

Nothing and no one harmed here, and no apologizes needed. This is only my thoughts. Everyone wants to be better, that if they still have the will to improve and grow.

So for who-ever out there, you know who you are. This is my time to thank, throw anything behind my back, and go forward.

This Michelle Branch’s song, the lyrics, really represents 99% of the title, and what I’m feeling right now.

Of all the things I’ve believed in,
I just want to get it over with,
tears form behind my eyes, but I do not cry, 
counting the days that pass me by

I’ve been searchin’ deep down in my soul,
words that I’m hearin’ are starting to get old,
it feels like I’m starting all over again,
The last three years were just pretend,
and I say

Goodbye to you,
goodbye to everything I thought I knew,
You were the one I loved,
the one thing that I tried to hold on to.

I still get lost in your eyes,
and it seems that I can’t live a day without you,
closing my eyes,
and you chase my thoughts away,
to a place where I am blinded by the light, but it’s not right.

Goodbye to you,
goodbye to everything I thought I knew,
You were the one I loved,
the one thing that I tried to hold on to.

Hold on to…
and it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time,
I want what’s yours and I want what’s mine,
I want you,
but I’m not giving in this time.

Goodbye to you,
goodbye to everything I thought I knew,
You were the one I loved,
the one thing that I tried to hold on to 

and when the stars fall I will lie awake, 
you’re my shooting star.